I love my girlfriends. I didn’t always have a pile of early girlfriends as I had a boyfriend early in high school and we spent lots of our free time together. We married and had children young. I worked full time and got my degree after I was a working and a Mom, so time was mostly spent on survival, studying, family and community. Girlfriend time was a luxury I didn’t always make time for. We had no relatives within a few hours of our new community but were blessed with friends that were more like family than friends. They were always there for us and we spent all of our free time together.
As the nest emptied and the demands were less, free time opened up. My kids were independent and doing what they needed to be doing and I had a void to fill. Yeah for girlfriends!
I have a husband that I loved to spend time with and that I can confide in and talk to, but men approach things differently. They analyze things differently and I for one, think that is a good thing. Women bond through communication; we share stories and problems and frustrations. I can talk with a special girlfriend for hours. Men bond more by doing. They play golf, hockey or go toss a football. On less active days they might watch the Superbowl together or fix the snowmobile. When Jim has been out golfing with someone, the next day I might ask, “What are Bob and Nat doing this weekend?” or “How are Al’s grandkids?”. Jim will look at me as if I am an alien, and say, “I don’t know, we were golfing”. When my husband golfs, he golfs. He may discuss the drive or the wind or the putt and on occasion maybe even the plan for the next golf game. When I golf with the gals we talk about our kids, our husbands, our grandkids, our mother-in-laws, our problems, our neighbours’ problems, and our community, but not too much about the golf game.
Some research I once read, stated that women bonding with women is necessary for good health. A landmark UCLA study suggested that women have a larger behavioral repertoire than just fight or flight; “In fact,” explains Laura Cousin Klein, Ph.D., (at the time of reading – an Assistant Professor of Biobehavioral Health at Penn. State University and one of the study’s authors), “it seems that when the hormone oxytocin is released as part of the stress responses in a woman, it buffers the fight or flight response and encourages her to tend children and gather with other women instead. When she actually engages in this tending or befriending, studies suggest that more oxytocin is released, which further counters stress and produces a calming effect. This calming response does not occur in men, says Dr. Klein, because testosterone—which men produce in high levels when they’re under stress—seems to reduce the effects of oxytocin. Estrogen, she adds, seems to enhance it.”
I found this so interesting. I helped me understand the differences in our behavior and solved some frustration I sometimes felt.
So this Old Broad’s un-asked-for advice would be to treasure your girl friend time. Make sure you make time. Laugh together, drink wine together, join a club together – whatever works for you. Know that enriching your life with girlfriends does not take away from your relationship with your husband and family- it actually adds to it. It gives you outside experiences to share and a happier more content self is always good.