The Week Before!

I have never loved the week leading up to a trip. I can’t really call it travel anxiety because I’m not afraid to fly, I’m not afraid of new places, I’m not even afraid of being uncomfortable in new places – but for some reason, my mind races, my gut rolls and tears come very easy the week before we set off. Every time! I have tried to analyze the feelings behind the state and I’m not sure I understand exactly why it happens.

I know, and everybody I know and love knows, – I’m shitty at good-byes; Always have been. I cry when I say goodbye. As much as I’ve tried to control the tears I can’t. They are not always rational, in fact very seldom rational. Sometimes it’s just a short good-bye and I’ll see that same grandchild in a week or husband in a few days – but I’ll still have tears when we hug good-bye. Sometimes it’s been hectic and wild and I need quiet time for a few days but I’ll still cry when the company leaves. I’m fine in a few minutes but the actual act of saying good-bye is a challenge for me. So maybe the anxiety I feel before a trip is just the idea of a big good-bye

Lastly and most logically – I think I can blame the pre-travel jitters on the worrying control freak inside of me. How on Earth will the kids and grandkids survive without their Mom and Grandma for two whole months? What if something happens when I’m away and I won’t be there to help or support? If I spend 5 minutes working through and rationalizing this one, I realize the kids have been independent for a long time. In fact they’ve lived on their own and with their partners longer than they lived home with us. They are all fine and doing what they need to be doing. The grandchildren are living life – things are as they should be. We will keep in touch as we always do and I know they are all thrilled that we too, are living life and still adventuring.

But as logical as all of the above sounds – the ugly pre-travel gut doesn’t go away until my cup of coffee at Tim Hortons at the airport. For some odd miraculous reason, once I’ve said all the goodbyes and loved all the goodbye hugs, muddled through security and then sat down and had that first sip of coffee, the tension eases- and the excitement and gratitude sets in. But during that last week, I’d have changed plans and stayed home for a nickel! I’m glad no one offered me a nickel!