The word busy has always irritated me. I’m sure I’ve used it many times but I try hard not to, I have always admired people that do great deeds, that work hard for their community, and seem to accomplish much. I know when I looked for an employee or a worker for some project – I looked for those people that are doers, because you know they will commit, they will find the time to do the job and do it well. However, many of those people don’t see themselves as busy. They are engaged and productive but they don’t wear busy like it was a badge of honour. “I am so busy, I get up at five-thirty every morning and I don’t get my jobs done until 10 at night. I canned 45 jars of pickles, scrubbed my bathroom down twice, did the books for the committee and ironed all of my placemats. I never miss a practice or a game of my kids (or grandkids whatever it maybe), I would never buy store bought baking, I am busy, busy, busy.
I choke a little when I hear those depictions of someone’s day. It feels anxious to me and as if there is a value in being busy itself. I feel sorry for the doer because to that person busy-ness is important and having free available time is not valued.
A leisure day is a wonderful day. We all need those days or at least hours, where we pour a cup of coffee, ramble out into the yard in our pajamas and just stand. Those days where we roll over in bed and stretch and think, “this just feels so damn good, I am staying here for another hour. I’m going to buy buns at the Co-op today, I may sleep on wrinkled sheets, and I’m not going to look at my phone – because I just need some relax time. Even as a young Mom on maternity leave, I can remember those days where there wasn’t much free time – I would stuff Kleenex in the door bell and snuggle under the covers with the baby for the afternoon nap even if it was for 20 minutes. Life needs balance and ‘nothing days’ or at least hours or minutes, have their place.
I have a good friend who by the world’s definition, would be busy. She has boundless energy, she works full time, she volunteers, she reaches out to her friends, she is a wonderful cook and is an extrovert who will be on the go, socializing, entertaining or being entertained seven nights a week. Yet, when you phone Darlene and ask her if she has a minute or if she can do a job, her reply will always be, “I have nothing but time.”
I love that about her. What an admirable quality. To be able to stop, what you are doing and be able to concentrate on the person you are with for that bit of time to the exclusion of all else. It says loudly to that person that they matter!
One winter, many years ago, my girlfriend Charlene and I, took on the job of finding booth workers at the rink for the entire winter. I was very pregnant on mat leave and Charlene was only working part-time. We thought it would be an easy at-home job we could do for our community. OMG, were we wrong. Small town rinks are on the go seven days a week and for many of those days and hours the booth needs to be open serving hamburgers to the fans so that the rink can pay its power bill. We would start phoning most mornings soon after we got kids away to school or settled at the table with colouring books.
I can’t tell you how many times we heard- sorry we are too busy. Please don’t phone us again, we are a busy family. The odd thing was that some of the very busiest individuals in the community would reply with, “What time? Do you need my husband too?” Or we got real answers like “Sorry, that night I am previously booked”, or “We are in the middle something at home right now but give me a time next week, or next month.” It’s so important to be able to prioritize and say no when you can’t commit. Guarding your time is what this is all about. I get that and respect it. But it’s not the same as branding yourself as chronically busy.
No doubt there are homes busier than others, and people busier than others and times in our lives busier than others. Those are the times that recharging is the most important. Even God, blessed the seventh day as a time for rest. You can have a wonderful work ethic, be a great Mom and serve your community and buy store bought buns, and occasionally push pause, without any apology.
If you are always busy, it’s time to stop and assess what you are doing – you are really missing out. Being “Not Busy” is pretty wonderful too.