Eighteen months have passed since I started this post on my blog….but for some reason was unable to publish it. I won’t change the words I had written then, but will publish as is and write another blog about the journey of grief since then.
It’s time to start writing again. Its cathartic for me and I’m missing it. This isn’t the topic of which I would choose but it is the topic that has been chosen for me right now. It’s what is in my heart and on my mind so bear with me. On July 28, 2023, Jim, my loving husband, and our family’s much loved Dad and Grandpa passed away. He was sick only for a few short days so along with the loss, came the trauma of dealing with a tragedy we didn’t understand or have any preparation for. Jim was experiencing a little heartburn and some nausea and knew that he had recently developed a hernia so he was blaming the symptoms on that. The symptoms worsened a bit and we made a trip to the local doc on July 15 to be reassured that the hernia could definitely be the reason behind the discomfort – he had an ultrasound which confirmed the hernia and was put on a wait list for surgery. He had lost some weight but explained to me that he lost weight every summer because of the physical demands of the garden, lawns, painting etc. we had been doing, and to be honest that was a pattern of Jim’s…..Add a few pounds in the winter, shed them in the summer through the exercise of getting the cabin ready for the season. During the next few days the discomfort became worse and we decided to head into Regina to see if we could have the hernia surgery moved up. We headed into Emergency on Saturday, July 22 and by Sunday evening had been told that Jim had stage 4 cancer in all major organs and was in the Palliative Stage. We asked to be discharged on Monday so we could meet with the kids face to face to share the news. We travelled home Monday, met with Brennan and Celise on Tuesday and the girls at the lake on Wednesday. By Thursday Jim was really suffering and couldn’t get comfortable and the rest of our family started travelling to the lake fearing the worst. Our precious daughter-in-law, Celise is a registered nurse and has much experience dealing with end of life care. She was a blessing to the family and to Jim. She was able to keep him comfortable and at home in our bed at the cottage with me, our children and grandchildren. He passed away during that night. Our hearts were broken and we all just bunkered down together for the next week trying to absorb and come to terms with our loss. We decided to have a happy hour at the hall in Foam Lake to celebrate his life.
We want to honour Jim and celebrate his life. We are here at this time because Jim loved happy hours. At the end of the afternoon he believed in gathering – whether it was the family at the lake or friends in Yuma. At 4 o’clock life stopped – you gathered around and replayed the day. It became a very special time. I remember we laughed together when little James’ teacher had the kids write about their highlight of summer and James wrote – “happy hours at the cottage’. At 6 years old it seems like a funny favourite ….but, we all felt that way. It was just a time to be together – to talk, laugh and be grateful for the day and the people sharing it. So our family decided to gather today to happy hour – with a drink and a snack with people we love ….it was the way Jim would have wanted this to play out. So please make it a happy hour. We’ll talk for awhile but then stay for a drink and visit with the people around you. Remember Jim stories!!
I loved him more than life itself and was so blessed to have shared life with him. We have a sign in our bedroom that says. I love doing life with you…. and we did… we loved sharing our time together. Thank Goodness. We lived fast. It seemed like it gave us more time together. Jim was only 69 but we were kissing under the school steps in Cupar by age 13. We had chapped lips that whole first cold winter. We were engaged to be married and teaching by 19. Married by 20. Babies started arriving at 21.We had a career that we shared and loved for 30 years and retired when we were 52 years old, so we got to share 17 years of retirement and family adventures. We were not always wise, in fact very seldom wise, but we always lived life. Jim wore many hats. First and foremost he was a husband/father/and grandfather. He loved me – unquestionably, unfalteringly he loved me, and he loved his family. He was the best Dad to his growing three children Heather, Erin and Brennan. He always, always thought about me and the kids before himself. Having time with any of us were his happiest times. He was sooo proud of the great people his kids and grandkids have become. The partners that married into our family immediately became our kids – there was no such thing as in laws. He loved them all with all his heart. Then came the grandkids. He had nicknames for all the grandkids …..no one was ever called by name. From JacePace, MyPy, Tyboy, Reider rabbit, Little Buddy to Nickio ….The sun rose with those grandkids – he treasured each one.
Our families of origin were both small; Jim had one brother Rick – they were only 14 months apart so grew up as best friends. Rick and his family were so important to Jim. They live in Regina so we got to connect often. When Jim married into my family he gained and loved more family – Cam and Sandy and Shel and Karen and their families. It was Cam and Sandy that led us to Yuma – we are so thankful. Although these families have always lived far away we shared lots of laughs and love over the years. Jim loved them like brothers and they felt the same.
He was many things that people may not have known. He was a great cook and a foodie- he loved experimenting with recipes and made delicious meals often for us all. He was never pretentious with his food. He loved a good Gouda and a jar of CheezeWhiz and would openly enjoy both. He was a gardener. He loved growing things. His lawns and vegetable garden at the lake were a source of pride for him and he always had them looking beautiful. He was a putzer – he was always fixing or getting things ready to make the weekend more fun or the process run more smoothly .He always had a toothpick in his mouth. Since he’s been gone we have all been looking for his bunny hugs and jackets to wrap ourselves in and feel him. And always when we’d reach into the pocket – there was the famous toothpick, and the tears would flow. He had little time for bullshit, no time for haters and very little patience for drama. He got to the point, you knew how he felt about what was happening and where you stood. But he did it without malice or soapboxes and never with judgement. He truly believed that everyone had their own path. He was an optimist. I was the worrier and the fretter. He was the calmer and the level head. It will show up, it will work out – we’re words I heard everyday. And with him around – they always did…..he taught me that many of the things that I thought mattered – didn’t matter. He had horrible taste in music. If he was given his way we would have been bombing down the highway listening to Johnny Hortons ‘Sinkin of the Bismarck’ – or Johny Cash’s ‘Ring of Fire’. It was like nails on a chalkboard to me, but once in awhile we’d give in and we’d all join Grandpa in a good rendition of ‘In 1814 we took a little trip’. He loved and was proud of his places. We grew up in Cupar – a wonderful little town full of great people – the town where we were both put to find each other. 10 days after we were married we moved to Foam Lake supposedly for one year. – 48 years later we love, love, love, this town – we love the spirit of pulling together, the way they celebrate life’s milestones – this was the village that helped us grow into a family. He also loved our cottage at Madge lake – it was our family sanctuary – a place of joy. He loved our community in Yuma – where we spent 14 winters together blessed with so many very, very special friends.
He was one of the most honest, most fair individuals – he always looked at all sides and then would advocate and fight for the right resolution. It’s what made him a great teacher – advocating for his students well being – a at principal where he supported and fought for his teachers and school 150 percent. I remember listening to his reassuring phone calls with parents , his appeals to directors and lobbying calls with politicians where he would argue and substantiate needs like a dog with a bone if he thought it was important. He then carried that on as a board member and board chair – it was always students first. He always always – with a level head and a kind heart advocated for students and families and communities. He was a good friend. He cared about his people, and loved sharing time with those friends. Whether it be golfing, partying, or just visiting -good friends were important. I often think about how he spends his days in heaven. I know some will be with His Mom and Dad and mine, time with Dean and Leah.
And I’m sure he had to rush to get here to be with us today because he would have had a tee time with Kevin and Leroy this morning. I could talk for days about why this man was great, why our hearts are broken and the legacy he leaves us but I know others have words to say too. The whole time I was writing I was hearing Jim say – Patti – more is not better – it was a true belief of his, that in life very seldom is more of something better. But right now to us – it feels like more of Jim would be way better.
Again thank you for sharing today with us. We are humbled and overwhelmed by the love and support. To those that have travelled or taken time to be with us or are with us in thoughts today – it means more than you know. Reaching out, Being available, being part of our lives, helping our family to climb this mountain that we really don’t want to climb but we will together in Jim’s honour. Thank you.
Rest in Peace My Darling