According to Wikipedia, “an epiphany is an experience of a sudden or striking realization. Generally, the term is used to describe scientific breakthrough, religious or philosophical discoveries, but it can apply to any situation in which an enlightening realization allows a situation to be understood from a new and deeper perspective”.
A spiritual person may believe that these are winks from the divine, giving us a push in a certain direction to help guide us. I guess that’s how I lean. These incidents in my life when something became clear, or when something triggered an idea out of nowhere, I think were sent to help me on my path.
What frightens me a bit is how many times did I not listen? How often was I too busy or too caught up in my own thoughts and actions to realize that I was receiving a nudge?
I remember when I was in my 30’s, friends invited us to attend a “Marriage Encounter.” It was a Christian weekend retreat in which the participants had a good look at their marriages with the guidance of other couples that had been trained in the process. I jumped on board immediately. I know my reasons were selfish. Our marriage was doing just fine, we were happy – as happy as any young couple with babies and demanding careers, with mows to lawn and piles of laundry to do. I am sure we were in debt up to our eyeballs with a house mortgage and car loans and probably a couple of maxed credit cards. We were busy. We were community involved and had lots of social interaction, but mostly we were tired. People who have houses with babies, and jobs and bills and commitments are usually tired. Doing fine, but tired.
Here was a chance to spend a weekend away from the kids, in a hotel where we could sleep, uninterrupted for a possible 8 or 9 hours. That was enticing. Grandpa and Grandma would gladly come and stay. We weren’t going to be partying; we were doing important work. They would be happy to come.
The weekend was great. We met some nice people, we talked about some issues that we probably hadn’t spent much time on prior to that. And we slept! Far greater impact that any of that was a simple, hand-embroidered sign on the wall that I noticed on the second morning that said “Love is a Decision”. I was fixated on that sign. I probably missed half of the speakers that day as I contemplated that sign. What did it mean? I was attracted to my husband and he to me and we fell in love. I was swept off my feet. Jim was my soul-mate chosen for me by the universe. I was happy but I didn’t decide to be. It just was.
Or was it? Did I have the power to make the choice that this was going to be the man I was going to love and love forever? Could my decision make a difference in the way this played out?
That was profound for me. The fact that I can talk about that sign and my feelings with vivid memories forty odd years later confirms that. I am sure there were many at that event that didn’t see the sign, or didn’t care about the sign. I am sure they took away other great thoughts or were bored to tears and just came to sleep. But that sign was an epiphany to me. It has spoken to me many times over the years and made our marriage better than I think it would have been. It made realize that many things in this life that I thought were happening to me, were decisions I was making. If I could decide about love then could I also decide about happiness, gratitude and other emotions or feelings?
I have always believed that sign was there as a nudge for me and for our situation at that time. There are different signs for different people in different situations. I am sure there are people that need signs that say, walk-away, keep-looking, take care of yourself. Not every person in every situation should “decide to love.” And of course it is an over-simplification to say “choose happiness” Shit happens in life and we all have days and maybe even weeks and months when we are profoundly sad. During those times “choose happy” doesn’t always work for me. In fact it usually pisses me off. “Hang in there” or “This too shall pass” have brought me comfort but at really difficult times – “choose happy?” – meh!!
For me this sign was just a reminder that we do have choices and if we choose to love and commit – lets do it well and with gusto! I think I came out of that weekend thinking that I would try hard to be the best life partner I could be – and I knew that I had been blessed with someone worth making that decision.
Another day, walking down a street in Penticton BC, where we were visiting family, we heard a group of small children laughing and playing. When we got closer, we realized that it was a Day Care centre called “Little Champions.” I couldn’t take my eyes off them. Jim continued walking in frustration, kept calling back to me to get going. I was transfixed. I thought it was because there were children and I was pregnant with Bren and maybe I was just in a “child focus” mood. When we got home and went to bed that night, I thought about “Little Champions” and how we needed Early Childhood Education in Foam Lake. Not a daycare but a pre-school, where small children could be introduced to verbal skills and be offered experiences that they could go home and verbally share with Mom and Dad. Where we could learn old fashioned nursery rhymes and childhood stories. New research was coming out of universities and educational research centres at that time, saying that the ages of birth to five were the most important developmental years of all. I couldn’t sleep. I was so excited. I went to the bookstore the next day and bought three books on Early Childhood development. When we got home and got back into maternity leave routine, I would get Heather off to school, and Erin and very pregnant I, would load up and go visit playschools in the neighbouring communities. I loved it. A year later, Little Champions came to be, and I enjoyed every second that I worked with the little kidlets of our community. Time passed and other chapters opened up for me and I moved on from Little Champions, but that epiphany opened up a great time in my life.
The last epiphany I will share today was one afternoon at our cottage, when my daughter, Heather said, “Linda (Heather’s Mom-in-law and our friend and colleague) is going to ride with Prairie Women on Snowmobiles this winter in memory of Jacquie’s (another friend) sister who she lost to cancer” It was a simple statement. I replied, “That’s great, such a great thing for Linda to do, so just like Linda. Jacquie is hurting and she’ll be touched by that.” I knew nothing about Prairie Women on Snowmobiles, or really what this event even entailed. But at 3 a.m. I was having tea in the living room at the cottage excited right to my core for Linda and knew I wanted to help her.. What could I do? Maybe I could help fundraise? How could we fundraise? What did we have to do? This was Linda’s event and, I would bet, maybe an epiphany for Linda too. For some reason it was very important to get home and talk to her. I called the next day and asked if I could support her by helping with fundraising. She was excited, and welcoming, and her enthusiasm went through me. Soon eight other gals came on board wholeheartedly, that must have had their own “nudges’ because it became a huge part of all of our lives for a good many years. As a group working together Breast Friends was born.
I love Epiphanies!